You could say, “Could I talk to you today after school? I’ll meet you by the door. ” Speak where nobody else can hear you. If someone comes by, ask them to give you some privacy.
Break the news kindly to your friend. Even if you are confronting them about their behavior, you can still be respectful toward them. [3] X Research source Use “I” statements like “I felt very hurt when you made fun of me,” or “I feel like I’m being used when I hang around you. ” These statements express your feelings and avoid blame. Saying things like “You use me for my car” or “All you do is pick on me” can make the listener defensive.
You could say, “Shannon, I care about you. But it seems to me like you are drinking a lot these days. And I can’t be around that anymore. I hope you can get yourself some help. ” If you feel that discussing their behavior could get you into more trouble with them, however, you may not wish to discuss it with them.
You could say, “After we would hang out, I always felt really stressed. I don’t want a friendship to feel like that. ” Acknowledge your role in the breakdown of the friendship. You could say, “I was never comfortable with some of the stuff we did, but I never said anything. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you about it at the time. ”[6] X Research source
You could say, “I’m sure it’s not easy to hear, and it’s not easy for me to say, but I don’t want to hang out with you anymore. So I’m not going to answer your texts or spend time with you. I’m sorry that it has to be this way, but I can’t keep this up anymore. ”
Understand that you might have some confusing emotions around the end of your friendship. You might be sad, relieved, angry, and peaceful… all at once. It might help you to clarify your feelings by writing in a journal or talking to another trustworthy friend or adult. [9] X Expert Source Mary Church, PhDResearch & Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 August 2021. Take some time to yourself and do things you enjoy. Listen to your favorite music, exercise or go for a long walk, go out for coffee with a friend, or spend time in prayer. Reconnect with yourself.
Work with them on class projects if necessary. Focus on the task at hand. If your friend tries to stir up drama, you could say “Let’s just focus on getting this project done. ”
For example, you may decide that you are only comfortable seeing your friend when around other friends, or you may only want to talk to them in school. You could decide you want to avoid answering their calls or reading their texts. If your friend asks you why you’re being distant, you could say, “I just need some space,” or “I’ve got a lot on my mind” and leave it at that.
If your friend says, “Hey, want to hang out this weekend?” you could say, “I’m pretty busy all weekend with work and family stuff. ” Keep in mind that if your friend doesn’t know you want to stop being friends with them, you may need to keep making excuses for a long time to not see them, and that can be draining, not to mention dishonest. You will eventually need to be direct with your friend and stop making excuses. Making excuses will only lead to stress, so it’s important to only use this as a very short-term solution if you feel that it is necessary. Don’t make up an excuse to get out of hanging out with your friend and then do something else instead. If you are saying you’re sick, stay home. Don’t show up at a friend’s house an hour later. This makes you look dishonest to everyone.
You could tell your friend that your parents want you to spend more time on your homework, or don’t want you hanging out so late on weekends – whatever excuse you need to employ to get out of the situation. Most parents are generally okay with being perceived as the “bad guy” in order to help their kid out of a difficult situation. Talk to your parents about having problems with a friend. Tell them why you no longer want to be friends with them, giving specific examples of their behavior. Ask your parents to help you manage the situation. You could say, “Lately Tara has been really mean. She’s picking fights with me, and she’s hanging around with a group of kids I’m not comfortable with. I really don’t want to to hang out with her outside of school anymore, so I was hoping you guys could help me. The next time she asks me to do something with her, could you help me find a way to tell her no?”
You could say, “Dear Juan, I know you are wondering why I haven’t been talking to you much lately. I thought I would write this letter to explain why. ” Then you could tell your friend how you are feeling and what you would like to see happen going forward.
If a friend of yours asks, “Why aren’t you talking to Bennett?” you could say, “I really don’t want to talk about him behind his back,” or “I’d like to keep it private right now. ” If you need to vent about your situation, talk to someone not at all connected to your social circle. For example, reach out to a friend at another school, or your cousin who lives far away and ask if you could talk.
If you are uncomfortable being around your friend, you could try moving away from them and trying to get some physical distance between the two of you. If you are hanging out in a group, try starting a separate conversation with someone else.
If you are friendly with a group of people you normally don’t hang out with outside of school, like fellow band members or teammates, see if they want to get together outside of class or practice. If you are involved in any activities outside of school, like a part-time job or a youth group, try spending time with people you know from those places.
Do not “ghost” a friend just because you want to avoid confrontation (as long as you know that a confrontation would not end with a physical fight). Breaking up with a friend is uncomfortable and painful, but that doesn’t mean you should avoid it. Ghosting a friend may cause you to lose some social clout. It makes you look like you took the easy way out. It can also cause the person you are ghosting a lot of pain and uncertainty. Consider which method would be the best way for you to stop communicating with a friend. For example, you might decide that it is best to tell them in-person, over the phone, or via email.
Your friend enables your bad behavior, particularly if it is an addiction issue. [15] X Research source You feel controlled or manipulated by your friend, and worry how they would react to an announcement that you no longer wanted to be friends. [16] X Research source You fear for your safety, and are concerned about your physical well-being if you talk to your friend directly.
If you choose to remain friends with them on social media, prevent them from seeing posts you don’t want them to see. Do not comment on their feeds. You could also choose to unfollow them so you no longer see their updates.
If you choose to remain friends with them on social media, prevent them from seeing posts you don’t want them to see. Do not comment on their feeds. You could also choose to unfollow them so you no longer see their updates.
Ask your parents to inform your friend’s parents about the situation, and/or that you no longer want to hang out with this person. You could say, “You know I’ve been trying to distance myself from Jamal, but he won’t leave me alone. Do you think you could talk to his parents for me?” You could also ask a teacher or school guidance counselor for help. You could say, “I’ve been trying to work through some problems with David, but he won’t leave me alone. I don’t want to be friends with him anymore, and can’t think of anything else to do. Could you help me?”