It is always better to mean what you are saying. People know when you have false humility. Setting out to show interest in people about whom you really don’t care just for the sake of gaining popularity doesn’t work in the long run, so become the sort of person who is truly interested in others! If a particular topic is really difficult for you to feign interest, steer the conversation in a different direction. Remember—people enjoy being around someone who is engaged, interactive, and honest. Be genuine and authentic to yourself, identify your interests and values, and align yourself with people who share them.
The idea here is that everyone likes being useful and everyone prefers to have someone indebted to them – instead of having debts to others. They gain a sense of power and purpose from you, causing them to like you more. [1] X Research source Just don’t do it all the time – too many favors and you become pesky.
When you see someone, let’s say, caught with their pants down, there is an automatic reaction on both of your parts. The pant-less probably laughs (hopefully), turns a little red, maybe cracks a joke, shakes their head, face-palms, and tries to go about their day with a shred of dignity. What have they done? They’ve shown you that they are human. They brought down a peg and acknowledged it by their behavior. That’s likeable. They’re real. Let’s say the same situation happened again, but with a different person. This time they keep a stoic face, situates their drawers back up, gives a terse nod, and goes on their way. Not at all endearing. Their behavior didn’t accept their embarrassment and therefore there’s nothing to relate to, to sympathize with, or to find charming. Not likeable in the slightest.
Imagine greeting someone briefly as you walk by with a quick “Hi. " It was a fleeting moment where it seemed as if you didn’t have time for the other person. Now, imagine the same scenario where you walk by quickly, give a short hello, but you lightly touch their shoulder. Bam! Physical connection. Focus. You’re on their radar – like, like, and like.
It’s best to use a number of tactics to accomplish this. Just flattery, or just asking for favors, or just smiling won’t do it. You’ve got to sprinkle them all in. If you keep the focus on them, that should prep you for action – asking questions (attention), complimenting (building them up), looking for advice (making them feel wise and purposeful), and showing empathy (being cared for). When they feel good about themselves, they’ll feel good about you.
Tilting the head avoids a “squaring off” stance. It’s softer, has a sympathetic flair, and tells the other that your focus is on them – something everyone absolutely adores to have. So the next time you’re unsure what stance to take, tilt away. It’s a catch-all, really.
Combine this with a smile and you have the basic set up for any likeable, approachable human. But keep the eyebrow flash to the initiation of a conversation – it’s not something to be used at random intervals, like the head tilt may be.
If you’re talking to a person and they’re in a similar body position to you, you’re likely to feel like they’re on the same page as you are – and are thus understanding and relate-able (score). Do this in conversation but don’t draw attention to it – if it’s too noticeable, it’ll seem contrived and unnatural.
Whomever you meet, showing a little deference won’t hurt you. If you’re meeting someone and about shake hands, step forward to them and lean in a little (alluding to a bow). Tilt your head, keep an open body position (not always crossing arms and legs, namely), and lean to one side or the other. Showing you’re relaxed and interested in the other person will cue them to like you regardless of the conversation level.
This is sort of a nice way to say. . . well, that you’re judged by the people around you, too. If your friends are all smelly trolls but you’re not, you risk being lumped in the smelly troll category, regardless. This is especially true for Facebook – the prettier your Facebook friends are, the prettier you seem to be. [8] X Research source No, it’s not right, but it is real.
If you’ve ever worked in the restaurant industry, you may have a story that relates to this phenomenon. Think of the customer that always tips in $2 bills. After a visit or two, the waiters are fighting over him. Why? He has a thing. He’s easily remembered, distinguished, and interesting. He’s liked. [10] X Research source
That’s not to say to hide your emotions! No, no, no. You want to be genuine. If something upsets you, let it upset you. If people don’t like it, well, they won’t like it. But before you start going off, choose your battles. Is it worth the judgment? If so, proceed. If not, reassess your reaction to the situation at hand.
Things are different in middle and high school than they are in the adult world. It pains wikiHow to say it, but at these ages, you may be better liked if you’re a little mean and selfish. A recent study showed that an individual’s popularity rose when they were a bit of a bully. [11] X Research source This is because at that age, other kids look to strength as an example of what’s good, not knowing that that’s not how things work. In short, kids are mean.
Think of this as an investment into yourself. The time it takes to look good (and feel good!) will warrant you benefits in the future. Not only is it good for getting people to like you, but it’s good for your health, too.
