Think of some names equivalent to Slenderman and just how absolutely non-scary they are. Fatboy. Voluptuousgirl. Pear-shapedandrogynousperson. Really? You’re gonna let a guy named Slenderman get the better of you? C’mon. You can do better than that.
Slenderman is wealthy and educated. If this is the case, he’s probably open to reason. Odds are he prefers the aisle seat on an airplane, doesn’t eat very much junk food, watches very little television, and listens to audio books on his commute to work. [1] X Research source Now that you know some of his tendencies, you can strike up a conversation! Humans only fear the unknown. Slenderman is a misunderstood Barney Stinson. If this is the case, it’s possible that his creepily sneaking into houses is his move. The man is just trying to get some love’. Can you really hold that against him? C’mon, even a mother wouldn’t love that face, much less a woman outside his family. Life’s probably been really rough. He needs understanding and care.
Slenderman will die. That is, if you believe he’s alive (more on that later). He has not been alive since the height of the Egyptian empire and he cannot haunt you forever. In fact, he probably gets a cold a few times a year. He’s just like the rest of us. Mere mortal. Names that end in -man are usually of Germanic origin. If you see him, strike up a conversation about pretzels, beer, or the current economic crisis. You might wanna stay away from WWII, for the record – Slenderman might be depressed. No one’s seen him in synagogue, but maybe that’s because he looks terrible in a yarmulke.
It’s highly likely that Slenderman doesn’t get a lot of hugs; lots of people are probably intimidated by his inhuman-like proportions or tentacle-ness. Next time you dream about Slenderman, think about hugging him. Heck, he’ll probably start blubbering like a baby and talking to you about how he was called “Octopus Boy” as a child.
Okay, okay, yeah, yeah, he probably has a sixth sense of some sort. Maybe he sees dead people. So, yeah, he can teleport. That’s awesome. More on that in a bit. But even if he does have a sixth sense, you still have 4 that he doesn’t.
If you do ever succeed in coming close enough to Slenderman to chop off one of his tentacle arms, you probably just wanna do him off for good. If you’re the one that chopped off his arm, he’d probably come after you like Richard Kimball went after the one-armed man.
Slenderman was part of a contest. Part of a contest ran by amateur artists that were interested in Photoshop and the paranormal. He is the figment of some guy’s (Eric’s!) imagination and thousands of people took off with it, making their own stories.
What makes you so special that Slenderman would show up on your doorstep? Unless you’re leaving him milk and cookies, he probably won’t. Think of it like Santa Claus (unless you believe in Santa Claus). How long did it take you to say, “Mom, Dad. There’s no way Santa can hit all the homes in the world in 8 hours’ time, especially with the time it takes to climb up a chimney. I know it’s you”? This is pretty much the same thing, only he doesn’t have a booming laugh or a tummy that rumbles like a bowl full of jelly.
When you start being able to teleport, you’re gonna become so popular. Slenderman could be your ticket to being the big cheese. All you’ve gotta do right now is think about whether you’d use your powers for good or evil.
The jury is still out on whether he’s going forward or back in time. Science says that traveling backwards in time is impossible, but even Stephen Hawking says forward time travel is possible (if you go fast enough, time slows around you while it stays “normal” everywhere else). Provided Slenderman abides by the laws of physics here on Earth, he’s going forward in time. [3] X Research source So, oops, that Chem test may not be happening. Sorry.
Slenderman doesn’t really make noise. If you do hear a noise, it’s anything but Slenderman. Big Foot makes noise – maybe it’s him.
You may need some low-cal snacks and bottled water on hand. Slenderman is really self-conscious about his weight. The tortilla chips are just for you. Offer him some out of courtesy, but keep alternatives on hand for good measure.
That’s definitely easier said than done. To start facing your demons, grab a notebook and start analyzing your fear. When did it start? What’s the root of it? What times of day is it worse? When does it spring up (when you’re alone, when you’re sad, etc. )? Seeing your own patterns will force you to realize how much of this is just in your head and is truly groundless.
This process is called deconditioning. It’s a thing and it works. So open up the game. When you face Slenderman, sit there. Look at him. Don’t run away. Just stand there until your heart beat slows down. You may not believe it, but slowly you’ll grow bored of him. You’ll wonder what ever frightened you in the first place. Start doing this gradually. Monday, do it for 5 minutes. Tuesday, for 10. Eventually you’ll be unmoved by him completely.
Breathe. Breathe slowly and deeply. It gets your heart rate down, your mind on other things, and a little more reassurance that he’s not after you. When you take controlled, relaxed breaths, your anxiety will automatically lessen.
You know how some people are afraid of heights, closed spaces, or clowns? And how other people aren’t? Fear is in everyone’s head. When you start imaging Slenderman in his tighty- whities, sleeping like a baby in the fetal position, you start giving yourself control and taking it away from him. Next time you run into him, don’t even offer him the Doritos. You have all the power. To overcome a fear, you should know its origin. For example, if a person witnessed a real-life traumatic event, such as an accident that injured someone on an escalator, their fear of escalators may be more deeply ingrained. Traumatic events can get stuck in the limbic system, which is the part of the brain that controls fight-or-flight responses. Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing or EMDR can help someone process traumatic material, freeing it from the limbic system by allowing the traumatic material to drop out.
