Be persuasive: appeal to the other person’s logical side. For example, if you want your roommate to take out the trash, explain that you both want to have the same amount of housework and that you took out the trash last time. Therefore it is her turn to take out the trash. Use welcoming body language: if you’re getting a cold response to a request, try building a warm rapport with body language first, by leaning forward while talking to them and engaging in active listening. Listen: don’t monopolize the conversation. Instead, monitor how you are responding and listening to your conversation partner. Allow silence and give signals that you are listening like “go on,” “uh-huh,” and “really?” Be strategically assertive: use “I-messages,” like “I’m feeling overwhelmed. ”[3] X Research source Kubany, E. S. , Bauer, G. B. , Muraoka, M. Y. , Richard, D. C. , & Read, P. (1995). Impact of labeled anger and blame in intimate relationships. Journal of social and clinical psychology, 14(1), 53-60. Be careful about using them too much or making aggressive statements with “you-messages” like “You are making me really mad. ”[4] X Research source Kubany, E. S. , Bauer, G. B. , Muraoka, M. Y. , Richard, D. C. , & Read, P. (1995). Impact of labeled anger and blame in intimate relationships. Journal of social and clinical psychology, 14(1), 53-60.
For example, you may want to ask your boss for more responsibility at your job. Instead of saying, “Hello, if you think it’s a good idea, I’ve been thinking about how I would like the opportunity to maybe take on more responsibilities and tasks within our workplace” say, “I am hoping to take on more responsibilities as you see fit. ”
For example, pay attention to how much you are speaking in a conversation. Has your story lasted for a long time? Wrap up your story and give a pause to signal that it is the other person’s turn in the conversation.
contribute information that others did not know be relevant and of interest to everyone involved be truthful (unless you’re using sarcasm and irony) follow social expectations about being polite, like using “please” and “thank you” avoid bragging or being self-centered
If you find that your conversation partner struggles to see or accept the common ground between you both, take a communication break and return to the conversation later. For example, you can say, “we both are really hungry right now, so why don’t I choose the restaurant this time and you can choose next time. ”
If the context is unclear, try to figure out the request by your communication partner before continuing to talk. You might say, “I’m sorry, was I speaking too softly?”
For example, imagine you want to go on a road trip with a friend. Your friend has a pet emergency come up on the day of the trip and can’t go. Rather than make your friend feel guilty about missing the trip, show your disappointment and offer to help somehow. Explain that you understand the position she’s in.
For example, if you want to show that you are happy, it’s more effective to give expressive facial cues, like smiling, than increasing your talking speed or showing happy body language. There may be times when it is advantageous to hide emotions that you may be feeling (like when you are afraid) but don’t want to show it.
Start thinking about the nonverbal cues both you send when communicating. Also think about the nonverbal communications that you receive from others.
In other words, don’t slump your shoulders, but avoid stiffening your muscles. If you find yourself focusing too much on your body language, direct your attention instead to what the other person is saying.
From a global perspective, if you are native to a particular culture, many of the nonverbal norms will be instinctive. If you find yourself communicating in a culture that is not your own, keenly watch others for typical nonverbal behavior.
Women also tend to interrupt less than men, listen more than men, and are better at correctly interpreting facial expressions than men. [21] X Research source Hall, J. A. , Carter, J. D. , & Horgan, T. G. (2000). Gender differences in nonverbal communication of emotion. Gender and emotion: Social psychological perspectives, 97-117.
In a study of Fortune 500 executives, those who were able to regulate and appropriately express emotions (like resisting the impulse to cry when given criticism) were more likely to gain trust from others. [22] X Research source Goleman, D. (1998). Working with emotional intelligence. Bantam.
