If you need to end a conversation, say, “Let’s speak later, I can tell now is not a good time,” or say, “I can tell you’ve been drinking and I don’t want to talk to you right now. Please call me when you are sober. ” If you know you parent tends to drink in the evenings, plan to talk to them earlier in the day.
Focus your words on yourself and less on your parent. Use “I” statements as a way to avoid blaming your parent and take ownership of your feelings. For example, say, “I feel sad and disappointed when you miss time to play with your grandchildren because of alcohol. ” This is less accusing than saying, “You choose alcohol over your grandkids and we don’t like that. ” Remember that your parent is probably already aware that they have a problem. Speaking to them in a harsh or judgmental way will not improve the situation. Let them know that you are on their side and ready to help, if they are willing to accept help.
Say, “I’ve noticed our phone calls have been different lately. You’ve been slurring your words and it’s hard to understand you. Is something going on?” You can also say, “I can tell you’re drinking again by the way you walk and talk. ”
Say, “I’m concerned about you. I’ve noticed you drinking much more since Mom died. I’m sad, too, but drinking won’t help the pain go away. ”
For example, say to your parent, “We know you enjoy drinking, but it’s not allowed around your grandchildren. We don’t want them exposed to alcohol. ” If you have siblings, have a discussion about how they can help you deal with the situation. That way, you will not be struggling to deal with your parent’s alcoholism alone. Decide on specific roles and responsibilities that each sibling can take on in engaging with the alcoholic parent.
Start a meditation practice, attend yoga classes, or go for a daily walk.
Speak with others who have an alcoholic elderly parent and ask them how they cope. For example, Al-Anon, Johnson Intervention, and SMART Recovery Family and Friends are some examples of support groups for family members and friends of an alcoholic.
Ask for a referral from a medical doctor, local mental health clinic, or your insurance provider. You can also ask friends and family for a recommendation.
Take some distance if you need it. Go on a walk, go outside, or ask someone to take over for you. If you feel constantly upset, consider having a home nurse or other caretaker so that you can get some distance.
Ask the medical doctor, “Are there any guidelines you would suggest for alcohol consumption? How might these medications interact with alcohol?”
Your parent’s doctor may prescribe a medication to help your parent reduce their alcohol consumption, or they may refer your parent to an addiction specialist or mental health specialist. A psychologist or other mental health specialist may be able to help address any underlying psychological issues that might be contributing to your parent’s drinking.
If you’re about to admit a parent to assisted living, let staff and physicians know ahead of time of your parent’s alcoholism.
Also keep in mind that abruptly cutting off your parent’s access to alcohol can lead to dangerous or deadly withdrawal symptoms.
If hosting a family get-together, host it at your house and do not serve alcohol.
Consult an addiction specialist before arranging the intervention. They can offer you advice on the best way to proceed. Once you’ve gotten some professional advice, get together with a few of your parent’s close friends and relatives to discuss a plan of action. Plan out what everyone will say in advance. During the intervention, all the participants should be prepared to talk about how your parent’s alcoholism has affected them, and what the consequences will be if they do not seek help.
