For example, you might say, “I don’t appreciate when you speak for me. Could you please let me answer the questions myself?”
Let’s say your aunt guilt-trips you by saying, “Well, I’ve traveled all this way. I thought you all would at least let me choose the menu for the event. ” You might respond by saying, “Aunt Margaret, please don’t try to guilt-trip me. We let you select the dessert and one of the entrees. We will be voting on the rest of the menu as a group. ”
If your family member has the reputation of being difficult, you may be overlooking what they have to say out of habit. Take the time to hear them out. Think about where they may be coming from and whether some aspect of their statement is right.
For example, if your cousin stands back and complains when others are cooking, ask them to set the table and tidy up the sitting area.
Accept who they are and the difficulties that come along with dealing with them. You can do this by practicing empathy for the person. Skip the judgements and respect who they are as a person—even if you don’t exactly agree with it. You might find that once you learn to accept them, dealing with them doesn’t seem like such a challenge.
For instance, does your grouchy Uncle Charlie have a sweet-as-honey wife? If he chose her, there must be something good about him. Maybe there’s a soft spot somewhere below the surface. Spending more time with him may help you see it.
Say to yourself, for example, “Lunch today with my in-laws will be satisfying. ” Then, brainstorm some ways you can ensure that it is a satisfying meeting. Perhaps you could think of a few neutral topics for conversation or come up with a positive affirmation to repeat if things go sideways. [5] X Research source
For instance, if you are due to stay with family on the weekend, book a relaxing day at the spa before you leave. Make sure that you are eating nutritious meals and getting plenty of rest, too. If you can, make time for self-care during your visits, as well. For example, if you’re visiting your family for a week, schedule in a relaxing outing on your own. Even excusing yourself for a brief walk around the neighborhood can help you relax and clear your head.
For example, say something like, “Uncle Ralph, please call me before you drop in for a visit. I love seeing you, but it’s not always a good time for me to have guests over, and I need advance notice. ”
For example, maybe a family member is demanding too much of you. You might say, “Aunt Lisa, I’m doing the best I can. I really need you to back off and let me handle this. Micromanaging me is only making it worse for us both. "
Let your family know your intentions by saying something like “This is all becoming a bit much for me. I need a break. I’m going back into the city for the weekend to clear my head. "
For instance, talk to your sibling by saying, “I’m going to need some support in dealing with Cousin Harriet this weekend. Do you mind serving as my backup?”
Ask your best friend to go out for drinks in the midst of your family reunion. You’ll look forward to escaping and have someone unbiased to talk to.
You might cut ties with the difficult person completely or you might simply choose to no longer allow yourself to be pulled into the chaos they create. [10] X Research source For example, if you have a family member who is addicted to drugs and refuses to get help, you might say, “I’m sorry, but I have to get some distance for myself and my family. I don’t want my children in this environment. " Choose which aspect of “breaking ties” best suits your situation and communicate your wishes to everyone involved. You don’t necessarily have to cut off contact permanently. Sometimes you just need a little time and distance to regain balance in the relationship.
