Remember to be patient and persistent. You could say, “I know you said that there is nothing wrong, but I can tell by the way you’re acting that you are really upset. Please talk to me about why you are upset so that I can help you if I am able to. If you aren’t ready to talk about it now, please remember that I am here when you are ready. ”

For example, you might say, “It seems to me that you are feeling angry or hurt because of the situation. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way; can we talk about how you feel and how we can make you feel better?”

For example, if you did something “wrong,” you might say, “I am very sorry that I accidentally downloaded a virus that destroyed your computer. I can understand why that would make you upset, and I will do whatever I can to help repair or replace the computer. ” For example, if you did not do anything “wrong” but still upset someone, you could say, “I am sorry that I upset you by picking out the paint color for the living room myself. I did not know that it was so important to you. I will try to be more considerate of your feelings in the future. ”

For example, the following may cause someone to become more defensive: “You should not be so upset about your computer crashing. My computer crashed and I didn’t get upset at all; I just went and got a new one. You should do the same thing. ” A better example of “team” communication would be, “What can we do together to solve this problem? Can we take it to a repair shop, or is it time for us to invest in a newer, better computer? We can get through this together and make the best of the situation. ”

For example, saying, “I’m sorry that the computer crashed, but you click on links of cat videos, too. You can hardly say that it was entirely my fault,” may cause the person to become angrier. Instead, the following factual statements may be less inflammatory: “I clicked on the link and the computer crashed. We cannot change those facts. Now we have to decide what to do about the situation. We could either try to have a company repair the computer or we could purchase a new computer. ”

This may not work for everyone, but helping someone understand that being angry will not help solve the problem might kick start their reasoning mind. You might say, “I understand that you are angry right now, and you have a right to be. Let’s talk through some possible solutions together and figure out how to make this better. ” Make sure that you are validate their feelings, to avoid coming off as condescending or uncaring. You can acknowledge their feelings and encourage problem-solving.

This can be difficult if it is someone you live with, but you can go outside, run an errand or two, or go to do a chore or activity in another room.

You can either be direct and say, “You’re upset. Let’s go for a walk and talk about what’s bothering you,” or indirect, saying, “I need to go down the street to get something. Do you want to join me for some fresh air for a few minutes?”

If the person is willing, you can guide them through a meditation exercise. Instruct them to do the following (you can do it too!): [14] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Sit comfortably with both feet on the floor and your hands resting comfortably in your lap. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in, allowing your belly to expand with the fullness of your breath. Picture a white light entering every corner of your mind and body as you breathe in. Breathe out slowly and deliberately, allowing yourself to fully exhale. As you exhale, picture negativity leaving your body as dark, muddy colors, leaving only the light behind. Repeat for 10-20 breaths or until the person feels relaxed and comfortable.

Don’t be surprised if the person initially rejects your solutions. They may need some time to calm down and process what you suggested. They could very well return to you later and say that they took one of your suggestions to solve the problem.