There’s a difference between a teacher being firm or raising their voice to be heard and being abusive. For example, when the class is being noisy, your teacher might loudly say “Quiet, please!” to get everyone’s attention, and that’s okay. On the other hand, it would be abusive if they were to scream “Shut up!” in an angry voice. Sometimes abusive people will say mean things and then say that they were “just joking” when you get upset. They might also tell you that you misunderstood or that they didn’t say what you thought they said. [2] X Research source Verbal abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse, and it’s never okay for someone to treat you this way. If your teacher says mean or abusive things to you, it’s not your fault.
If your teacher hits your desk, throws things, punches or kicks wall or objects, or raises their hand like they’re about to hit you, those are also abusive behaviors. Even if they aren’t actually hurting you, your teacher should never make you feel afraid or unsafe!
For example, if your teacher were to shove your books and pencils off your desk and then order you to pick them up, that would be an abusive action. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. It’s never okay for a teacher to embarrass you or shame you on purpose.
If this happens, don’t wait. Get away from your teacher as soon as possible and call for help immediately. Your teacher should never touch any part of your body that would be covered by a bathing suit or your underwear. It’s also abusive if a teacher speaks inappropriately about your body. For instance, it would be okay if they said, “You look so nice today!” or “That’s a pretty dress. ” But it would be inappropriate if they said something like, “I love the way your legs look in those tights. ”[6] X Research source
Ignore you if you say you’re hurt or feeling sick Refuse to let you go to the bathroom or see the school nurse Keep you from drinking water if you’re thirsty or prevent you from leaving the classroom for lunch Refuse to help you or believe you if someone else is hurting or bullying you Constantly pass over you or ignore you when you try to ask questions or speak up in class
Try saying something like, “Mom, I have to talk to you about something important. My teacher has been yelling at me and the other kids almost every day. Sometimes she gets in our faces and acts like she’s going to hurt us. ” Keep telling people if the first person doesn’t listen to you. The more people you talk to, the more likely it is that someone will be willing to help. Even if your teacher threatens you or asks you not to tell anyone, it’s very important to let other adults know what’s going on. Remember, telling someone might help not only you, but other kids who are getting hurt.
For example, you might write something like, “Mrs. Johnson called me ‘fat’ in front of Lily and Olivia when I asked for a snack break during second period on Tuesday. ” Keeping a record will help you keep track of what your teacher has been doing, and will also make it easier for you to get help. You can use your notes to show other adults that there’s a pattern of bad behavior. If you’ve written down the names of other people who saw the behavior, then other adults can ask them about what happened. They might be more likely to listen if other people can back you up.
For example, don’t just say to your parents, “My teacher is mean. ” They might assume that your teacher is just strict or expects you to do a lot of work. Instead, say specific things, like, “Sometimes Mr. Walsh throws things and calls the kids ‘stupid. ’” It can be really frustrating to feel like someone doesn’t believe you or isn’t taking you seriously, but don’t give up. Give as many examples as you can. You can even show the adult your notes, if you’ve been keeping a record.
For example, you and some of the other kids could go see the principal or the school counselor as a group, or you could write a letter with some examples of your teacher’s behavior and have your classmates sign it. Getting help or reporting your teacher’s behavior can feel less scary if you’re not doing it alone! Adults at your school might also be more willing to listen if lots of students speak up instead of just one.
You can also text HOME to the crisis text line at 741741 if you’re in the U. S. or Canada. You can reach them at 85258 if you’re in the U. K. or 086 1800 280 in Ireland. A counselor at a helpline can give you advice about how to get help or help you deal with your feelings about the abuse.
It can be immensely frustrating to and scary to see your child being bullied by a teacher over a long period of time, but you may need to document the behavior for a while (e. g. , a couple of months) in order to demonstrate a pattern of abuse. Schools that ignore or deny documented incidents of abuse put themselves at greater risk of legal liability. Keeping records may cause the administration to take you more seriously—and will also help you build a better case against the school, if it comes to that. [15] X Research source
You can explore laws and regulations about bullying by state on the U. S. government’s Stop Bullying website: https://www. stopbullying. gov/resources/laws.
For example, you might call up another classroom parent and say, “Hey, has Jordan had any complaints about how Mr. Stone acts in class?” If your child has a playdate with a classmate or you participate in the class carpool, take the opportunity to chat with the other kids about what’s going on. You could casually say, “So, how are you guys liking fourth grade?” or “What’s Mrs. Simmons like?”
Although you might be really angry, avoid being threatening or too confrontational. Explain clearly and calmly what’s your child has been saying—using your child’s words, if possible—and ask for clarification about what’s happening. For example, you might say something like, “Ethan’s been coming home upset from school most days for the past few weeks, and I’m just trying to understand what’s going on. Yesterday, he said that the two of you had a confrontation and that you yelled at him and called him a bad name. I’m hoping we can talk about this and figure out a solution. ” Keep in mind that an abusive teacher might deny or minimize your child’s complaints, or twist the truth to make themselves look better. It’s important to take what your child says seriously, especially if it’s been an ongoing pattern.
Prepare ahead of time before you talk to anyone high up on the chain of command. You’ll have a better case if you can tell them that you tried talking to the teacher first and if you have good documentation of the teacher’s behavior. [20] X Research source You can also try getting other parents with similar complaints to go with you. School administrators might be more likely to listen to a group of concerned parents than an individual.
You can also take to social media with your story. Make a public post on Facebook or Twitter about what happened, and ask your friends to share it.
Transferring your child to a new school or classroom can be hard, especially if they have friends in their current classes. However, sometimes it’s the best solution if your child is suffering and the school refuses to take action. [23] X Research source
Don’t say things like, “It’s not so bad,” or “Just be positive. ” Instead, let your child know that you recognize how difficult their situation is. You could say, “I know this is hard, honey, but we’ll get through it. I’m here for you whenever you need to talk. ” It’s always important for children to have a positive and loving home environment, and even more so if they don’t feel safe and supported at school. Spend quality time with your child, do fun and enriching activities with them, and encourage them to spend time with friends and do activities they enjoy. Some kids may feel ashamed or blame themselves for what’s happening. Assure your child that abuse is never okay, and that their teacher’s behavior is not their fault.
