In some cases, it can feel like it is your brother’s fault that you pick on him. He annoys you, so you pick on him, so he annoys you more– it’s a cycle that won’t stop until you try something different.
When you imagine how someone else is feeling, it is called empathy. Empathy helps you decide how to act toward someone by imagining how they feel, and then responding with what would feel most helpful or reassuring to you if you were in their place. [1] X Research source
Treat him how you want him to treat you. Don’t yell at him, take his things without asking, or tattle on him. He may not treat you the same, but if you’re respectful and kind to him, you can’t be blamed for him starting a fight.
Try saying “Good morning!” in a cheery voice every day. It sets the right tone for the rest of the day.
Make sure that you don’t make him cry. Try not to talk down to him in a bossy way, or tell him what to do. Let him participate in the conversation and tell you how he’s feeling as well. Try using “I-statements” to explain how you feel. Instead of blaming him by saying things like “You are always so nosy and rude!” you might say, “I feel frustrated when you come in my room without knocking. It makes me think you don’t respect my privacy. “[4] X Research source
Try saying, “I’m sorry that I’ve been mean to you and yelled at you. I don’t know why I do that sometimes, but I want to try to be nicer to you. "
Keep the list short and focused on the most important things– try for two or three things each. You might ask him to not interrupt when you have friends over, knock before coming into your room, and not borrow your toys without asking. Agree with him that you will both work on not doing the things that annoy each other.
If he calls you back look at him (without saying anything) and wait until he speaks. When he does, sit down beside him and finish your conversation.
If you do start arguing, let him win sometimes. That can surprise him and cut the fight short. Say, “You’re right, I’m sorry. I’m going to go in my room and read for a while. " If you’re really mad at him just walk away and tell him that you don’t want to be mean so you want to get away from him. Tell him you don’t want it to end with you two fighting.
Try to schedule regular time together to play, go to the park, or just color pictures together.
You might set up a game of veterinarian with the stuffed animals, or set up a simple board game like Hi Ho Cherry-O or Chutes and Ladders.
Be sure to thank him and hang the picture up on the wall in your room, so he knows you really do appreciate it.
Try saying “Love you!” in the morning when your brother leaves for school or at night when you go into your rooms to sleep.
