”Telling” on someone is when you see them doing something that is seriously wrong, like hurting someone else, hurting themselves, or behaving in a way that may end up hurting someone, such as playing in a busy street. ”Tattling” on someone is when you gripe to your parents about every little thing, like seeing someone playing a forbidden video game or coming home twenty minutes after curfew. Open the conversation gently so they don’t feel defensive. For example: “Tara, I’m not mad, but do you mind if we talk about something?”
Explain how your parents will grow tired of listening to what your sibling has to say if they tattle all the time: “Do you know how you get tired of Mom and Dad telling you to clean your room over and over? Well, Mom and Dad get tired of hearing us complain about each other over and over again, too. ” Warn how your sibling’s classmates and neighborhood friends will stop including them if your sibling rats them out all the time:[4] X Research source “You wouldn’t want to hang out with me if I got you into trouble every time we played together, would you? Well, kids at school are going to feel the same way. ”
Use examples from your own life to a) demonstrate how snitching can backfire on you, and b) assure your little sibling that you are speaking to them as an equal.
Warn them that they might not like the solution 100%. For instance, say their friend, Bill, hogs all of his own toys whenever they play together. One solution may be to stop playing with Bill for a while in order to teach him a lesson. They may not like doing this at first, so explain how it will make Bill realize that refusing to share has consequences in the long run. Practice kindness when speaking. Even if they are bothering you, remember they are probably doing this because they want to be a part of your world. Being kind and speaking to your siblings with respect shows them they should do the same for you.
Let’s say they snitched on you for coming home late after hanging out with your friends: First, ask them if anyone got hurt because of it. When they say no, reiterate how this means that “coming home late” isn’t something to run to Mom or Dad about. Then explain how, if the two of you had agreed to keep it to yourselves, you would also feel obligated to keep your mouth if you caught them doing something wrong. Also explain to your sibling that it doesn’t always have to be your fault; you may be late because of the busy road you couldn’t cross because of the cars or because of your broken watch.
A belief that they are punished more than you for being “bad. ” A desire to be seen, heard, and rewarded. A defensive tactic to redirect attention away from their own bad behavior. Do your best to truly listen to their answers. Get ready for a million questions, because they probably have them. Listen to what concerns them and what is bothering them. Then, you might be able to figure out a way to improve the situation.
Offer to talk with your parents about how your sibling is treated more harshly. If that doesn’t work, make a point of being their ally. Do favors to improve their situation, like relaxing rules when you’re babysitting or smuggling goods for your sibling when they are grounded. Spend more time with them if they feel overlooked. If your parents tend to talk more about your own achievements at dinner or with people outside your family, mention your sibling’s to even the score so they feel recognized. Be interested in them. Everyone is unique and your sibling is no exception. Find out what makes them tick. Let them entertain you, and you might even learn something from them. Join forces if they are only ratting on you to keep your parents’ focus away from them. As long as their own high-jinks are relatively minor, become co-conspirators with ready-made alibis!
Is the vein of talk positive or negative? If I overheard my sibling and parents having this conversation about me, would I be upset? Are my parents asking me for specific help with my sibling, or are they just complaining about them?
Avoid labels in general, since these may warp your perception of each other and lead to strained relationships in the future as you outgrow these roles with age. Remember: there is a difference between tattling and telling. A sibling who used to tattle on you might have a valid reason to inform your parents about behavior that genuinely concerns them later on.
Keep the conversation lighthearted, with an air of “I can’t believe that happened. ” Always use the past tense to show that you have moved on and no longer consider either of you as “that person. ” Practice what you wish to say beforehand so you can ride the wave of any pent-up emotions on your own, rather than risk getting tripped up by them during your talk.
Make a point of getting as much done when your parents aren’t there. Convince them that you spend your time wisely when unsupervised. Engage them in conversation at home to prove that your relationship with them is important to you. [14] X Research source Present your best self in public. Address other adults politely and behave respectfully when watched so that it is your sibling’s word versus everyone else’s.
