Giving the silent treatment. Procrastinating and sabotaging things by failing to do tasks or reminding you about something at the last minute. Being overly critical or offering masked insults (i. e. a compliment that isn’t actually sincere or that precedes a snide comment). Behaving in a sulky manner; refusing to smile even in a cheerful environment.
If you must, take a few minutes away from her to clear your head. Call a friend, walk around the block, or play with your pet. Return in a calm headspace, so you can figure out the best way to move forward.
For example, she offers an insincere compliment like, “That sweater is nice, but the one I bought for you is so much nicer. ” Don’t call her out about it. Instead, coolly respond with “thanks" and keep doing what you were doing. Ignoring probably won’t be effective if you are really bothered by the behavior, but it can be helpful for more minor situations like a masked compliment.
For instance, you might say, “I feel neglected and ignored when you act like I’m not in the house. I’d like us to discuss problems head-on instead of just ignoring one another. ”
For instance, if she shouts, “I’m not ignoring you, you’re always finding fault with everything I do,” you might simply say “Okay. ” Leave the situation and get your own emotions under control before re-attempting the discussion. You may even have to tell yourself, “She’s being unreasonable right now and I refuse to participate. ”
For example, try asking for her advice on everyday situations, like how to cook something properly.
When listening, make eye contact, don’t interrupt, and try to repeat what she said in a different way afterwards to make sure you understand.
For instance, you might say, “You know, I never thought about it that way. ” This doesn’t mean you agree with her wholeheartedly, but it validates her feelings a little. Therefore, she’ll be more likely to lower her guard when interacting with you. This strategy can be used when your mom is actively engaging in passive-aggressive behavior and when she’s not.
For example, instead of saying “Mom, did you like the movie?,” say “Mom, what did you think about the movie?”
If you need to talk, reach out to these people to vent about your mom or get practical advice for dealing with her passive-aggressive behavior.
You might also do special activities just for you, such as coloring, listening to your favorite music, or cuddling with a special someone.
If you think she’s up for it, you might invite your mom to a counseling session at some point, too.
