Instead of giving in, just smile at them, be polite, and stick to your normal routine. Don’t enable their behavior. Letting your significant other sulk will only hurt both of you in the relationship.
Instead of asking what’s wrong, tell them something like “I know you’re upset. I’m not sure why, but I’m willing to talk about it whenever you’re ready. ”
While detaching and observing, think to yourself, “It’s a shame that they are so unhappy. I hope we can work this out in the future when they’re ready. ”[2] X Research source Remind yourself that the sulking is their problem, not yours. Tell yourself that you don’t have to be around their behaviour, whether that means leaving for a while or breaking up for good. You don’t have to stick with them forever. Don’t be afraid to enforce your boundaries in the relationship. Don’t let the other person’s sulking manipulate or pressure you into giving in.
Essentially, your partner needs to learn how to soothe and “parent” themselves before they’re able to be in a healthy relationship.
If they’re finally able to sit down and talk about the problem, encourage them to tell you what triggered this response and how they felt. [5] X Research source For example, they might say “You were half an hour late to dinner, which made me feel like you didn’t care” or “I saw you laughing and talking to another man, which made me think that you like him instead of me. I was jealous. ” This may feel unnatural at first because it’s a very vulnerable and straightforward manner of communication. However, once your significant other starts talking to you this way, you’ll be able to address the problem much more easily.
Counselors can give you some advanced techniques for dealing with this behaviour as well. [7] X Research source A couples therapist may even see both of you separately to help determine the source of the issue for both partners. The counselor can then help you work through individual issues. If your partner can’t break this pattern of behaviour or if your relationship has become unhealthy, a counselor can also help you evaluate whether or not you should stay together. [8] X Research source To find a good couples therapist, ask your doctor for a recommendation or check online at websites like the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy or GoodTherapy. org.
Because your partner is already prone to bad behaviour like sulking, the process of breaking up may be extra difficult and emotional. For a safe and healthy breakup, be respectful but firm. Tell your partner why you want to break up and set clear boundaries. For example, you could say “I can’t stay in this relationship if you can’t communicate with me when you’re upset. It seems like you have some emotional issues to work through, and I wish you all the best, but we need to go our separate ways. ”[9] X Research source
If your lover continues to withdraw and treat you coldly, then they clearly aren’t using this time to process and relate. Instead, they are likely sulking in attempt to get attention and control.
For example, your partner could be triggered when you make a sarcastic remark or show up late to dinner.
For example, they may place objects between themselves and you, such as a newspaper or book, so they can continue to ignore you. This even happens in public sometimes. Notice if their attitude completely changes momentarily when someone else comes near them, but they return to giving you the cold shoulder the moment the other person is out of earshot. If the person can switch the charm on and off in this way, it’s likely they’ve practiced this manipulation.
They storm off, hide away, or retreat to a room. They use immature body language when they’re upset, such as pouting, sighing, crossing their arms, or even stomping. They push away comfort and refuse to reciprocate affection. [11] X Research source They give the silent treatment or shut down conversations with “Fine” or “Whatever. ”[12] X Research source They may sometimes try to guilt you by saying something like “you don’t care about me” or “nobody cares about me. "
Sulkers often need to learn healthy self talk such as “I recognize that I have emotional issues and I’m prepared to work through them” or “What I did was wrong and I fully own up to that. In the future, I will do better. ” They should be able to comfort themselves and tell themselves, “I am my own person, I have value, and I am responsible for my own actions. I can deal with this annoyance in a healthy way and not take it out on others. ”
