Split-object relationships can also be imaginary. This occurs when someone imagines that they’re in love with a romantic partner they’ve never met, or idealizes a relationship from their past. [2] X Research source You may not have initially chosen your role in the rivalrous love triangle. You may instead consider yourself a victim of another person’s adultery. While this may have initially been true, if you’ve decided to try to stay within the relationship, you are actively choosing a role. It will help you to be honest about this.
Choosing to continue a split object love triangle can provide the illusion of security, that you won’t be left alone. However, sometimes a split object love triangle allows a person to fulfill more of their sexual or emotional identity than is possible with only one person. Only you can truly know the difference. [5] X Research source Choosing to continue a rivalrous triangle prevents you from developing more genuine intimacy. A rivalrous triangle thrives on interpersonal drama, rather than trust. [6] X Research source Knowledge of a betrayal, or the act of betraying another person, may also generate unexpected sexual excitement. Of course, this won’t always be the case, but people are psychologically complex. It’s helpful to be as honest as possible about your role within the love triangle. [7] X Research source
If you aren’t the one who initiated the love triangle, it can be difficult to not feel like a victim. However, to remain in the psychological position of a victim will ultimately cause more harm than good. Victims often think in terms of “shoulds” and “rights” - “It wasn’t right that she flirted with him, when she knew we were married. " “He should understand that I’m exhausted because of the kids and my work schedule!” While there may be some very good reasons for explaining what should have happened, and what actions might have been “right”, love doesn’t operate on objectively logical basis. It will help you to set these reasons aside while you make your own decisions about how to live. [9] X Research source You may not be able to leave for reasons of financial insecurity, cultural taboo, lack of social supports, or other reasons. However, if you can leave a love triangle, it’s often easier to do so than to stay. You may choose to seek help in making this decision. Even someone who’s left a relationship due to a love triangle may benefit from professional counseling. If you’re the target of emotional, sexual or physical abuse as a result of the love triangle, this is called domestic violence. Seek help from a trusted friend, your health care provider, a crisis shelter, a counseling center, or the court system. [10] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source If you are in danger, contact your local police.
You may choose to stay in the love triangle. While unconventional, polyamory may be the option that works best for you, and that is fine. The important thing about remaining in a love triangle is that it’s chosen by all three parties - but the same thing is true of two-person relationships as well![11] X Expert Source Joshua PompeyDating Coach Expert Interview. 27 November 2019. Consensual non-monogamy is a valid option. [12] X Research source Whether you choose to leave or stay, remember that this is a choice you made, not one that’s forced upon you. While finding yourself in a love triangle might not have been your choice, you have control over your response to it.
Feelings do not have to be justified. They are not right or wrong. Feelings can change over time, so before you decide to act on your feelings, take some time to consider the consequences of your actions. When the pain you feel upon trying to leave the love triangle is greater than the pain you feel for staying, you may take this to mean that this person is “the only one” for you. But that’s not likely the case. Remember that the pain of leaving is not a reliable indication of true love. Your painful feelings might be based on fear of being alone, or memories of the relationship the way it used to be.
Write your feelings in a journal, where you are safe to explore your emotions without hurting another person. It’s okay to cry, or to hit something soft, when your feelings are overwhelming. This doesn’t mean that you’re wrong, weak or bad. It just means you’re human. You’re allowed to take time apart from the person with whom you’re angry. Sometimes a short walk around the block will suffice. Other times, you may need a weekend or more apart.
Remember that it’s your actions that matter in dealing with a love triangle. Your feelings are likely to change, but your actions can impact yourself and others forever. A lot of anger comes from mourning events that have not yet come to pass. For example, thinking about lonely holidays yet to come, or being alone in old age, can be the source of much suffering. Remember that none of us can actually predict the future, and no matter what it looks like now, your life circumstances are still a work in progress.
People whose work involves a great deal of travel away from home and family report higher levels of extramarital activity. Work-related travel often causes a person to miss their partner as and provides an opportunity to meet new people. [15] X Research source Situations that reduce self-control, such as drinking or drug use, frequently increases the likeliness of participating in a love triangle.
Don’t prolong the pain by not accepting that your relationship is over. Focusing on the future by not ruminating on the past will help you to move forward.
If you feel you may have an addiction to sexual relationships, consider joining a 12-step program or a mental health therapist to help you better understand your behavior. If you find yourself feeling violent as a result of a love triangle, immediately seek professional help from a therapist.
