Have a two way conversation. Showing your teen you care about her thoughts and opinions during a conversation will give her more confidence to be open and honest with you. Allow her to ask questions and let her think for herself. [2] X Research source An example conversation starter might be: “How are things at school?” “How did practice go?” “Was the party fun on Saturday?” Let your teen know you care about what’s going on in their lives and you are there to listen. “You know you can always talk to me if you’re having trouble at school or you are feeling distracted. " “I’m here to listen if you ever need to talk. " “Remember, you can talk and I’ll just listen. “[3] X Trustworthy Source Child Mind Institute Nonprofit organization providing evidence-based care for children with mental health and learning disorders and their families Go to source
Discuss your teen’s sleep patterns and her typical bed time. A consistent bed time every night, even on weekends, will help to set her natural sleep cycle and allow her body to get enough rest. For example, if she has to wake up at 7 am five days a week for school, she should be going to bed no later than 10:30 pm to ensure she gets a full eight hour sleep. She should then try to stick to this bedtime on weekends so she doesn’t throw off her natural sleep cycle.
Note that importance of teamwork and cooperation between everyone in the household to ensure chores and tasks are done equally in the home. Explaining to your teen that you often don’t enjoy doing household duties, but you do them anyway for the good of everyone will help your teen understand the reasoning behind completing a chore or task. This will then motivate her to do her part as a member of the family.
If you are worried about your teen’s depression or anxiety, consider talking to a medical professional, your family doctor, or a counselor about next steps.
Cleaning her bedroom Cleaning the bathroom Doing laundry Dusting and cleaning the common areas Sweeping or mopping the floors
When setting limits for your teen, it’s important that you also set a good example by also following the same rules. Don’t bring your phone to the table during dinner if your teen is not allowed to have her phone with her during dinner, and try to also limit your watching television or gaming to no later than 10 pm. This will show your teen you can also abide by the same rules you have established for her.
As the adult in the relationship, you must enforce the rules that you set and dole out consequences for disobeying the rules. Your teen may get upset or angry, but she will understand the consequences of her actions and likely think twice about disobeying a rule or neglecting a chore again. Try not to over react and give your teen the most severe punishment for small arguments or conflicts. Match the scale of the your teen’s wrongdoing with the level of punishment she will receive.
Rather than take away her phone or computer when she doesn’t listen to you, another option is to simply ask her to do a task and then stand there and watch her until she puts down the distraction and completes the task. Your teen may see you are unreasonable or annoying, but she will soon realize you will not stop watching her until she stops being lazy. This type of motivation will work better than nagging or yelling at your teen. [12] X Research source
Be specific about the tasks you use as rewards, as this will feel more immediate to your teen and motivate her to get things done. Tailor the rewards to the preferences of your teen, as she will feel the reward that much more if it something she is interested in.
You could hire your teen to paint a wall that needs a touch up, or to organize the garage or the basement. Give your teen a job outdoors, like pulling weeds or trimming the hedges, to get her outside and away from any distractions.
This could be as simple as spending a few hours at the local soup kitchen, or spending a day as volunteers at a local festival. You could also both donate time to a charity drive or a food drive.
Though you may want to give your teen a monetary reward like extra allowance or more time allowed on the computer, kind words of encouragement can be a reward in itself for a teenager.
