You can say something like, “To be honest with you, it hurt my feelings when I found out you and Jen were dating. When I found out, it made me feel insecure and upset, but I’m working on feeling better about it. ” If you suspected your friend and your ex were interested in each other during your relationship, it’s okay to admit you suspicions to your friend. Hear out what they have to say before jumping to conclusions.
If your friend doesn’t take the conversation well, keep your cool by regulating your breathing and paying close attention to what they have to say. [3] X Research source You can say something like, “I just wish that you and Maron would have told me that you were thinking about dating so I could prepare myself. I’m still not over him. "
You can say something like, “Conversations about Jen make me feel awkward. Would you mind avoiding talking about her for right now?” If you don’t get emotional when speaking about your ex, it might be a sign that you’re over the relationship and can talk about them again. If you get over the past relationship, you can say something like “Remember when I said I didn’t want to talk about John? I’m over it now, so if you want to talk about him, I don’t mind. " If you have to, take some time away from your friend so you can heal. Let your friend know that you still value your friendship, you just need a little time and distance to heal and process your feelings.
If you give your friend an ultimatum, there’s a chance they may choose your ex over you.
Think carefully before sharing any information about your ex with your friend, such as details of your relationship or your ex’s previous dating history. Ask yourself whether sharing this information will accomplish anything positive.
Don’t say things like “I don’t care” or “It doesn’t matter,” if you’re still upset about the situation. Lean into the feelings instead. Avoid doing things just to get back at your ex, like dating one of their friends in retaliation.
Even if you didn’t want to break up with them, there’s still a good chance that you weren’t compatible. If you’re concerned about your friend because of prior experiences with your ex, it’s okay to express that. Just make sure to keep to the facts so that it doesn’t look like you’re bashing your ex. Signs of an unhealthy relationship include constant fighting, belittling, volatility, manipulation, and jealousy. [7] X Research source You may also may not be financially or emotionally in the same place as your ex.
Throwing away or tearing up things that remind you of your ex can be a therapeutic experience.
You may also have to stop following your friend if they post photos or information about the relationship that makes you feel angry or sad. You don’t have to block your ex, but you can if it makes you feel better.
You can say something like, “I really tried getting over it, but it still makes me feel uncomfortable. I still want the best for you, so I think I need a break from hanging out with both of you. I hope you can understand that. ” If your friend is actively rubbing the new relationship in your face or being toxic, it may be best to cut ties permanently.
Respect your friend’s boundaries, just as you would expect them to respect yours. Don’t compare yourself to your friend or think of it as a competition.
For example, you might take a class in a subject you’ve always wanted to learn more about, or work towards a personal fitness goal.
Hang out with someone that doesn’t know the friend who is dating your ex if you want to avoid any unnecessary drama.
Activities and hobbies could include playing an instrument, participating in a sport, playing video games, or reading books. Consider taking a course if there aren’t any hobbies or activities that you like to do.
Doing something relaxing can also give you additional insight or clarity on the situation.
If you hang out with your friend again, make sure not to badmouth your ex in front of them. You can say something like, “Hey Kendra, I know it’s been a while but do you want to hang out? I miss you!”
