You might say, “Hey Aunt Judy, I know everyone is saying that Dad got in a car wreck, but no one is saying how. I have a lot of questions. Can you answer them for me?” The more you know about the situation, the easier it will be for you to properly grieve. Don’t be afraid to ask questions that you want or need to know the answer to.
Sometimes, you might also feel numb or completely in shock, and that’s okay, too. If you can’t cry, don’t force yourself. Just take some time to be alone with your thoughts.
Reflect especially on the times you spent alone with your dad. Remember that those memories are special because they are only between the two of you. If you have painful or difficult memories of your dad, try not to feel guilty. It is normal for some people to feel angry during grief.
For instance, you might write, “I just had a breakdown because I was shopping and saw some fishing gear and Dad always loved fishing. I wish I could fish with him again. ”
Try drawing or coloring memories that you have with your father. You might choose to create images that would have been meaningful to your father. For example, if your father loved to fish, you might draw a lake.
For instance, you might want to keep your dad’s high school ring, one of his ties, or a book he used to read to you.
You can say, “Hey Mom, I know that school starts back on Monday, but I just don’t feel ready. I’m still really sad and I’m afraid I’ll cry in class. Can I have a few days off?” If you have to go back to school, try to take it day by day. Tell your teachers what happened and take notes so you can stay focused.
Try not to be alone on these days since they can be really tough. It might be hard to face important holidays, but try to do it. Actively remembering your father on these days will help the healing process go faster, not slower.
If you had a fight with your father in his last days, remember that your father would have forgiven you. Try not to blame yourself.
For instance, you might call up a friend who lost her mom a while back. You can say, “Hey, I know you lost your mom a few years ago. I guess I always knew my dad would die one day, but this was so sudden. I didn’t get to tell him goodbye and I’m having a hard time with that. ” If you try to talk to someone whose parent recently passed, be aware that they might not be ready to talk about it yet.
If you need some time alone, that’s OK too. Try to balance alone time with social time. This will give you have room to heal without isolating yourself from your loved ones.
For instance, his siblings might have some funny or interesting stories about him.
For instance, if you’re hungry and your friends offer to bring you lunch, accept it! You can return the favor one day when they’re in need. Also, if you need help, ask! You can say, “Hey Sara, would you mind coming over to study with me for the math exam? My brain has been all over the place since my dad died and I could use a little help. ”
For instance, you might search “grief support groups” or “loss of a parent support groups” online to see if there are any local results. If you can’t find any support groups in your area, consider finding one online and chatting with other folks in similar situations.
If you’re in school, there is probably a social worker, guidance counselor, or therapist on staff who can help walk you through this.
Exercise is great, too! It gets your endorphins going and is a natural mood booster. Try to exercise at least three times a week for thirty minutes. You can start out small by walking around your block.
