Set high expectations for their children Frequently criticize others’ actions Doubt in others’ ability to accomplish tasks Emphasize organization and order
Be as tactful as you can, especially if you think your parents aren’t intentionally making you feel bad. For instance, say something like, “Dad, it really means a lot to me that you always come to watch me play soccer, but when you compare me to my teammates, I have a hard time enjoying the game. ”
You might ask your parents, “Can you explain to me why you hold me to such high standards? Where do these beliefs come from?” If you don’t think your parents will be open to this type of dialogue, it may be practical to talk to other family members or try to understand your parents’ upbringing.
For example, your dad doesn’t approve of your boyfriend so he constantly tries to scare him away and sabotage the relationship. You might say, “Dad, I know you want the best for me, but I love Damien. I think he’s a good choice for me. If you can’t respect my dating decisions, I will have to stop coming around so much. "
A mantra can be helpful when you’re learning to tune out criticism. For instance, try telling yourself, “This is only my mother’s perfectionism talking. ”
For instance, if you are in school, take classes and participate in extracurricular activities that reflect your interests. Putting your own needs first might take some practice if you’re in the habit of trying to please others. Remember, though, that you are the one who has to live your life – not your parents.
If you are a student, you can probably talk to a school counselor for free.
Learn to give yourself praise rather than relying on other’s approval. Practice giving yourself a compliment after each time you feel put down by your parent’s remarks.
If you have a poor self-image, ask a trusted friend to help you come up with a list of your best traits.
Your accomplishments don’t have to be perfect or life-changing to be worthy of pride. For instance, starting a successful business is an impressive achievement, but so is studying hard to bring your history grade from a D up to a B.
For instance, you could spend more time with your friends and their parents.
Many perfectionist parents discourage their kids from expressing their feelings. This habit can carry over into adulthood and cause emotional problems later in life.
For instance, instead of telling yourself, “I can’t learn math,” say something like, “I’m going to have to work extra hard to learn this, but I’ve learned hard things before. ”
Making mistakes is normal, and everyone does it. Reasonable people probably won’t hold your mistakes against you. Instead of trying to avoid mistakes, learn how to recover from them gracefully. If you accidentally hurt someone else, apologize and do your best to make it right. If you embarrass yourself, laugh it off and move on.
To avoid striving for the impossible goal of perfection, make a list of concrete actions you can take to improve yourself every day. For instance, if you want to develop better money habits, you could create a budget, start cooking more meals at home, and visit the library instead of the bookstore.
For instance, instead of saying to your child “I’m really disappointed you didn’t earn straight A’s this semester,” you might say something with less pressure like “I’m satisfied with your grades as long as you can honestly say you gave it your very best. "
