Did he say he wanted children before you got married? Did he say he never wanted children? If he said he wanted children, you can discuss this knowledge with him. If he said he never wanted to have children, you should discuss how you believed he would change his mind after being married for awhile.
You both have time to step away and collect your thoughts before you talk again. You can even write down points to make, counterpoints, or new reasons to try to convince him. Stepping away gives you both a chance to get your emotions and anger under control. This helps you be able to think logically and convince him calmly and rationally instead of getting emotional and angry and pushing him away from the idea. Talking about it during a set time helps you refrain from nagging him. If you keep pushing him all day every day, you may convince him not to have a baby instead.
Make sure to listen to what your husband says. Though you may want to have a baby, his feelings are just as valid as yours. Don’t dismiss his thoughts just because you want a baby. If you believe you can have a baby despite his fears, discuss this with him. Come up with ways to make it work for your current situation.
Ask him why he doesn’t want children. Don’t argue, but listen to his reasons without interruption. Be polite to each other when listening to each other’s wants and feelings. Be respectful and don’t be judgmental about your husband’s opinions. It may be difficult to stay calm when you are emotional about having a child. If you get too upset and start crying, that’s okay. Take a few deep breaths before speaking. If needed, get up and take a brief walk around the house to diffuse your anger.
Tell your husband if you are worried about how it will change the family dynamic, affect your other children, or how it will affect your finances. Bring up all the other changes that may happen in your marriage, such as changes in your relationship.
Show your husband that you have looked at your savings and annual income and adjusted expenses to accommodate the new addition. Bring up your careers. Talk about how you both are in good positions at your jobs. Explain to your husband that a baby won’t interfere with your jobs.
Tell your husband what you feel about your age and your biological clock. Do you think you are too old? Do you think there are a limited number of years left for you to get pregnant? Discuss the difficulties you may have getting pregnant, or the length of time you may have to try.
For example, if your husband is into baseball, watch a baseball game with him. During the game, mention how great it would be to teach your children how to play baseball, dress them in a onesie with his favorite team’s logo on it, or take them to games.
Ask him how he might feel teaching his kid to drive or watching his baby start walking. Talk to him about what it might feel like to hear his baby say “Da-da” for the first time. Ask him about how it will feel to have a daddy’s girl or a son to bear his name.
If you love your husband no matter his decision about kids, tell him that. If you want to give him an ultimatum because you don’t want to be with him if you don’t have a baby, you should think about consulting a marriage counselor.
Lying about your birth control or manipulating your husband can lead to trust issues. The risk of getting pregnant is not worth potentially serious problems in your marriage.
If your husband is resistant, leave it alone for a bit, then return to it later.
Having a good, strong family now may convince your husband that he wants to expand it in the future. If you already have one kid, enjoy the child you have. Let your husband enjoy that child. He may eventually decide he wants to add to the family. If you don’t have children yet, having a strong marriage and being happy may lead him to wanting to expand the family.
