For example, a teenage relative becomes pregnant, but doesn’t trust that the doctor will respect her privacy. She may fear they will tell her partner or her parents about the pregnancy. You might want to start asking her about her prenatal care plan as soon as possible so that the baby can get proper care that the mother feels comfortable with. Similarly, try to get your aging parents regular checkups before a problem arises. That way, you will understand their wishes and be able to follow appropriate measures in the event of a serious health scare.
For example, you might say, “Mom, when was the last time you saw a doctor?” or “Jody had to leave early to take his dad to the clinic. It made me remember that you haven’t gone in a while. ”
You might say, “Mom, I can tell that your arthritis is getting worse. You didn’t even get out of bed yesterday. I love you and I am worried. I would feel so much better if you saw a doctor. ” Keep in mind that you may have to repeat this step several times before your loved one truly starts to consider your suggestions.
You might ask, “Do you not like your doctor?”, “What don’t you like about going to the doctor?”, or “Are you worried about something in particular?” You might also take a more straightforward path by asking “Why don’t you want to see the doctor?”[2] X Research source
In such situations, you must make your loved one consider the consequences if they don’t take actions. For instance, the cancer may return at full force if they don’t start treatment right away. Or, a parent with memory loss may carelessly hurt themselves or get lost.
For example, your relative may prefer a practitioner of traditional medicine to a Western-style physician. If your loved one is a female, she may prefer to be seen by a female physician. If they don’t like hospitals, look for a small, independent practice. Set up a consultation with the doctor so that your loved one can meet them before being examined. Work with them to conduct research and find a credentialed provider who can address your loved one’s needs while easing their distress, too.
For example, you might say, “Dad, I was thinking we could schedule our checkups together this year. I know that going with you will make me far less nervous than going on my own. Does that sound okay to you?” Making it like they are going to support you rather than the other way around may remove the pressure, also.
If your loved one refuses to see a doctor, you might try mailing their physician a letter stating your concerns and hope that they call your relative in for an appointment. Or, you might mention a problem to a doctor that they are willing to go to, such as privately telling a cardiologist about any memory problems you’ve noticed with the hope that they’ll pass the info along to the primary care physician.
For example, don’t say, “Mom, you got lost the other day and I’m worried. ” Say, “Mom, we want to talk to the doctor to find out how we can help you stay in good health so you can continue to care for yourself. He can offer us suggestions so maybe you can keep living on your own. ”
For example, some older people function better early in the morning as opposed to late afternoons. They may feel more positive about the visit if it’s scheduled during this time. [10] X Research source If possible, consider scheduling an e-visit or a consultation over Skype. Your loved one can talk to the doctor on the computer from their own home.
For example, you might suggest that you join your relative at the doctor and follow up with a shopping trip and a nice lunch at their favorite café.
