Tense muscles and clenched jaw Headache or stomachache Increased heart rate Sudden sweating or shaking A dizzy feeling
Irritation Sadness or depression Guilt Resentment Anxiety Defensiveness
Feeling out of control of your own life, another person’s actions, or your environment or situation Believing that someone is trying to manipulate you Getting mad at yourself for making a mistake
For example, if getting yelled at by your boss is a trigger for your anger, you could avoid the trigger by removing yourself from the situation or asking for a moment to yourself. [5] X Research source Puff, R. (2014). The everything guide to anger management. You can also ask your boss to speak to you more calmly in the future.
For example, you may know that your boss yelling at you is a trigger because you were verbally abused as a child, try disassociating the two kinds of yelling. Convincing yourself that your childhood yelling was different because it only happened in a living room may help you separate it from yelling that you experience in the workplace.
Begin with your face and head muscles. Hold the tension for 20 seconds, then release it. Work your way down your body, tensing and releasing your shoulders, arms, back, hands, stomach, legs, feet, and toes. Take deep breaths, feeling relaxation from your toes all the way up to your head.
If you cannot physically leave, you can still give yourself a delay by stopping to count to 10 (or 20, or 50, or 100) before you respond.
For example, if you find that your children have dumped a bag of flour over your entire kitchen, your initial reaction may be anger. However, if you stop and try to look at the situation objectively (perhaps pretending that it is someone else’s kitchen!), you may be able to laugh about it instead. Having a good laugh and then rallying the troops to help you clean up the mess can turn a negative situation into a funny memory.
Take slow, deep breaths. Maintaining this breathing will likely bring down your elevated heart rate. Your breaths should be deep enough that your belly extends on the “in” breath. Visualize a golden-white light filling your body as you breathe in, relaxing your mind. When you breathe out, visualize muddy or dark colors leaving your body. Once you are calm from your meditation, think about your emotions and decide how to deal with the situation that angered you.
For example, you may get a flat tire on your way to work. Your automatic negative thinking caused by anger may lead you to think “My whole day is ruined! I am going to get in trouble at work! Why does this kind of thing always happen to me?!” If you restructure your thinking to take a reasoned look at your comments, you may realize that one setback does not automatically ruin your whole day, that your workplace may understand that things like that happen, and that it’s unlikely that this “always” happens to you (unless you get a flat tire daily, in which case you may want to reevaluate your driving). It also may help to realize that anger at the situation will not help any; in fact, it could hurt by making it more difficult to focus on finding a solution (such as changing the tire).
Individual programs are available for teens, police officers, executives, and other groups of the population that may experience anger for different reasons. To find an anger management program that is right for you, try searching online for “anger management class” plus the name of your city, state, or region. You can also include search terms like “for teens” or “for PTSD” to find a group tailored to your specific situation. You can also look for appropriate programs by asking your physician or therapist, or by consulting the self-improvement course offerings at your local community center.
You can search for a therapist specializing in anger management in North America here and in the United Kingdom here.
