You don’t need to ask the person fifty questions to find common ground, either; let it come up naturally during the course of a conversation. You may think that you and the person you’re talking to have nothing in common, but just one or two things that you can talk about can really help you connect. It can be a favorite obscure author, the fact that you both randomly grew up ten miles from each other, or the fact that you both speak Japanese. Don’t get discouraged if you feel like the two of you couldn’t be more different, at first.
“You’re so good at talking to new people. How do you do it?” “Those earrings are so unique. Where did you get them?” “I’m so impressed that you can juggle being a parent and working full-time. I don’t think I could do that. ” “I saw your tennis match yesterday. You have a killer serve!”
If your friend has to bring up that important thing you were talking about last time and you have to say, “Oh, right, how did that go?” then it looks like you didn’t really care that much to begin with. Your friends need you to support and care about them, and if you want to really connect with them, then you have to ask about the important things in their lives. This can even help you strengthen a bond with an acquaintance who may be pleasantly surprised when you ask about something he mentioned the last time.
Work on exuding warmth and positive energy and letting people feel like they can tell you anything and will feel safe. If they get the feeling that you’re criticising them deep down or that you’ll share what they tell you with your five closest friends, then you won’t be able to connect with them. If one of your friends is having a bad day, a bit of affection, whether it’s a pat on the back or a hand on her arm, can make her feel more at ease.
Your childhood Your relationship with your family members Past romantic relationships Your hopes for the future. Something funny that happened to you that day A past disappointment
Don’t just say “Thanks!” or send a thank-you text. Take the time to look the person in the eye, to say the word “thank you,” and to elaborate on why what this person did really meant so much to you. Research also shows that thanking people will make you feel happier and will make both you and them more likely to help people in the future. Everybody wins![7] X Research source
If you feel like you’ve really connected with someone, invite that person to a low-key hangout, such as grabbing a drink or getting coffee. Don’t be a flake. If people invite you somewhere, then you should follow through or have a good excuse if you don’t. If you develop a reputation for being a flake, then people won’t want to hang out with you. Though it’s important to get alone time, if you never put yourself out there, then you won’t ever be able to build your relationships. Make an effort to be social at least 2-3 days a week, even if it just means grabbing lunch with someone.
Working on being fully present in a conversation can make you feel more able to enjoy the moment you’re in and will therefore make you a better conversationalist. You’re not likely to make a good first impression if you’re too worried about the interview you have coming up to say anything worth repeating.
Though you can break eye contact occasionally so the conversation doesn’t feel too intense, you don’t want the person to think you have other things on your mind. You can practice smiling at people just when you’re walking by them so you’re more likely to radiate positive energy.
Don’t use the fact that you have a supposedly terrible memory as an excuse. If you really want to immediately connect with people, then you should make a real effort to remember their names.
If you’re turned away from the person, fold your arms over your chest, or slouch, then the person will feel like you’re really not interested in what he or she has to say.
Use simple topics to transition into deeper conversation. You can casually comment that there was perfect weather over the weekend and then ask your conversational partner whether he did anything fun to take advantage of it. Ask questions that are open-ended instead of ones that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” to keep the conversation going. Notice your environment. If you see a flyer for an awesome concert on campus, you can ask the person you’re talking to whether he’s going or what he thinks of the band. Keep things lighthearted. You don’t want to turn someone off by talking about dark or intense topics too soon.
“I’m so impressed that you wrote an entire novel. I can’t imagine doing that. ” “It’s amazing that you can speak three languages. ” “I feel like we’ve met before. It’s so easy to talk to you. ” “You have such a unique laugh. It’s contagious. ”
The person’s hobbies or interests The person’s favorite bands The person’s favorite things to do in town The person’s pets The person’s weekend plans
If you catch yourself making a negative comment, try to counter it with two positive comments so people still think of you as upbeat. This doesn’t mean you have to change your entire personality or fool anyone. It just means that you should focus on the good things in your life when you meet new people if you want them to remember you fondly.
If you bring up something the person said earlier in the conversation, the person will feel really impressed. Most people feel like people don’t hear them out enough, and if you can show that you’re really listening, you’ll be making a great impression.
Don’t think that using your connections instead of getting a job “on your own” is somehow being sleazy or cheating the system. You’re just playing the game instead of being played. Research has shown that a whopping 70-80% of jobs are found because of networking, so don’t be afraid to take this initial step. In the end, it’s unlikely that anyone will hire you based on networking alone, and you’ll still have to prove yourself. [14] X Research source
Whether you’re selling yourself or selling a product, the most important thing is to have a strong opening line that either shows why you are a candidate the employer can’t miss out on, or why your product is something he must invest in. Keep it short and snappy and end by giving the person your business card and saying you’re looking forward to hearing from that person. Of course, you should make sure the person has a genuine interest in you or your product.
Don’t think that you have nothing to offer to the world. Just because you’re trying to network, you still have plenty of skills and abilities that can benefit other people in a variety of ways.
Think about it: the worst thing that can go wrong is that you keep trying to get the person’s attention and he doesn’t get back to you. Well, that’s exactly where you started so it’s not as if you’re worse off, is it?
If you find a way to stand out, then you can say something simple in a follow up email like, “We met at the Business 101 event. It was so great to find another person who loves Sergei Dovlatov as much as I do!” Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to take it too far and go so out of your way to stand out that it comes off as obnoxious. You don’t need to make a lime green resume or do a tap dance to be remembered—unless you want to be remembered unfavorably.
You never know who can be useful to you, so make sure to be friendly, kind, and approachable to anyone in your orbit.
Many companies even ask to see your personal website when you apply for a job nowadays. You don’t want to miss out on this opportunity because you don’t have a personal site. If you use sites like Wix or Wordpress, it’s free and easy and only takes about 1-2 hours to set up, even if you’re not tech savvy.
