If someone is repressing romantic feelings for someone else while they’re in a relationship, they may accuse their partner of the doing same thing. They might lash out with something like, “You’re cheating on me!” or “I know you like him. " If someone is insecure about their career, they may accuse their friend of having a lackluster job. They might say, “You’ve been working at that job for years. Your career is going nowhere. "
You might say, “I don’t agree with that” or “That’s not how I see it. " If they’re being unkind or lashing out, you could try, “I don’t like being spoken to that way” or “I understand that you’re upset, but I don’t feel comfortable with the way you’re speaking to me. " Avoid defending yourself or believing what this person has said to you. Accepting their words as fact or jumping to prove them wrong might encourage them to keep projecting.
Perhaps your parent is accusing you of being a failure. Look within yourself and remember all of your accomplishments. You might think to yourself, “I work hard and support my family. There’s no way I could be a failure. " Maybe your partner is accusing you of never being there for them. If you don’t agree with this, think about all the ways you support your partner. You might think, “I cooked dinner and asked him how he was doing just 5 minutes ago. "
It may help to repeat a reminder in your head when this person starts projecting. Try, “I didn’t do anything wrong” or “They are projecting right now, and this has nothing to do with me. "
You might say, “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but I don’t think I can continue this conversation” or “I don’t think we’re going to see eye to eye on this. I don’t feel comfortable discussing this anymore. "
Someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder might blame you for their own flaws. People with N. P. D. often feel an intense amount of guilt, shame, and insecurity. Instead of dealing this, they might try to make you feel that way. [7] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source A person with Borderline Personality Disorder often struggles with a deep fear of abandonment. They may accuse you of wanting to leave them, even when you have no intention of doing that. [8] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source
Perhaps you can’t stand one of your colleagues. Ask yourself why you’re so upset by their behavior. You might find that they possess a flaw that you don’t like about yourself. Maybe you’re worried that your partner has lost their feelings for you. Before confronting them, look within yourself and think about how you feel about your partner. Have you recently been experiencing wavering feelings yourself? Ask yourself how you might make some positive changes going forward. If you frequently worry that people don’t like you, for example, try to develop your self-esteem and boost your confidence.
If you’re suddenly overcome with insecurity and fear that your partner is going to leave you, take a moment to think about your feelings. You might ask yourself, “Is there anything my partner actually did to make me feel this way?” To practice mindfulness, sit comfortably in a chair with your feet on the ground, inhaling for 5 counts and exhaling for 5 counts. Focus only on your breathing, and start paying close attention to your senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste). After reviewing all 5 senses, bring yourself back to your breath and just being aware. [12] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RDLicensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
If you’re not able to afford a therapist or counselor right now, journaling might give you insight into your thoughts and help you avoid projecting.
