You might say, “I really want to give you the space you need. Can you tell me what space looks like for you so I know what you expect?” For instance, they might want you to stop all contact for a few days. This might include texting, social media, and in-person conversation. However, they may be okay with an occasional text as long as you give them time alone.
Say, “You’re really important to me, and I can see that you need some space right now. I’m going to give you the space you need, and I hope this will strengthen our relationship in the long-term. ”
If you can, ask them what they’d prefer. Say, “Do you want me to stop texting and calling until you contact me first?” Giving someone space doesn’t just mean spending time away from them. If you’re texting them, you’re not giving them space.
Don’t like or comment on anything they’re posting. Additionally, don’t ask mutual friends what they’re doing.
For example, let’s say you know the person likes to pick up coffee from the same coffee house every day. If they see you there, they might assume that you ran into them on purpose.
You might be tempted to ask, “Who will you be seeing?” This kind of question will make them feel like you aren’t respecting their need for space. Don’t try to set rules, like who they can see and what they can do during the separation.
For instance, you might say to yourself, “Right now I feel really sad because Alex is my best friend and I might lose her. ” This can help the emotion pass. On the other hand, it’s not a good idea to call Alex and cry about how upset you are.
For instance, see a movie on Monday, host a game night on Tuesday, paint on Wednesday, practice card tricks on Thursday, and go to a high school football game on Friday.
For instance, let’s say you find yourself thinking about your partner during your lunch break. Try reading a book to occupy your mind.
You might say, “I’m going through something right now and just need to vent. My boyfriend needs space, and I’m worried that we’re going to break up. I miss him so much. ”
Create a schedule for yourself so that it’s easier to keep up with your self care while you’re going through this situation.
For instance, you may have had a fight or they might think you’re too clingy. If the person is ready, talk to them about what made them need space. Say, “What did I do that pushed you away?”
You might say, “I understand that I wasn’t respecting your need to spend time with your friends. I’m really sorry that you felt like I was controlling you. In the future, I’ll make sure that you have time for your other relationships. ” Similarly, say, “I’m really sorry that I was talking to your ex at the party. I know that you were hurt by that, and I’ll honor our friendship better in the future. ”
Try to find something that won’t involve a lot of heart-to-heart talking. For instance, go bowling, play mini golf, go rock climbing, or attend a concert. Pick something that’s a common interest to help you remember why you enjoy each other’s company.
In a romantic relationship, this might mean you both need a few evenings every week to pursue personal hobbies or spend time with friends. In a friendship, it could mean that you both respect that you have other friends and that you don’t hang out with each other’s exes. If it’s a family relationship, like siblings, this might mean respecting personal space, giving each other time alone every day, and asking before you use each other’s things.
As an example, you might talk in person a lot if you live together, but you may prefer to text several times a day if you spend a lot of time apart. If they want to communicate less often, respect their wishes.
