If you find this a little challenging, you may want to take your comedy in more of a story-telling direction rather than one-liners.
For example, you could say, “I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. ” The audience thinks that you’re saying that you wore the pajamas, not the elephant.
For example, if you said, “I once shot an elephant in my pajamas,” follow it up with, “how he got in my pajamas, I’ll never know. ” The audience thought you were talking about you wearing the pajamas, but actually, you were describing an elephant wearing your pajamas. Or, “Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do. ” You could also try, “I own the world’s worst thesaurus. Not only is it awful, it’s awful. ” One-liners don’t necessarily have to be “smart;” what makes them funny is that they’re the opposite of what the audience expects.
Take the joke, “I’ve been putting in so much overtime, that I came home to an empty house last night. I found a note. It said, ‘I can’t take it anymore. I’ve gone for a long walk in the park to think over our relationship. ’ It was from my dog. " The joke is good, but it’s pretty wordy. Try taking out some words until it sounds like this: “I came home to any empty house last night with a note on the table. It said, ‘I’ve gone for a long walk in the park to think over our relationship. Signed, your dog. ’” Or the joke, “Never criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you’ll have their shoes. ” Again, it’s funny, but a little long and choppy. Try taking out some words to make: “Never criticize someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, they won’t be able to hear you, and you’ll get a new pair of shoes. ”
For example, “I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind. ” Or, “I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off. ”
For example, “A mysterious man was knocking all night long on my door. In the morning, I was fed up with it, so I let him out. ” Or, “I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. ”
For example, “The first ever spices festival opened this week. The festival ended earlier than expected when someone switched on the ceiling fan. ” Or, “I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down. ”
For example, “I think we should get rid of democracy. All in favor, raise your hand. ” Or, “What’s the difference between baseball and politics? In baseball you’re out if you’re caught stealing. ”
If you really like one-liners, consider telling a comical story where all of the characters only speak in one-liners.
For example, if you drop something, you could say, “I’ll just put that down right there. ” Or, if one of your friends burps, you could say, “You took the words right out of my mouth!”
You’ll probably want to memorize your one-liners before you perform them onstage.
