A lot of people aren’t familiar with what it means to be nonbinary. Try to think of some questions that they might ask. Jot down some answers so that you are ready to provide information. For example, you might want to write down what being nonbinary means to you. That might mean identifying as gender fluid or gender neutral, for instance. Remember, this is different for everyone. You might also write down whether or not you think coming out as nonbinary might impact your life. That’s something that others might want to know. They might also ask if this will impact your relationship with them.
It can also be helpful to talk to someone who has experience coming out as LGBTQ+. They might have some good advice for you.
If you’re worried about a negative reaction, you might feel more comfortable in a public place. Think about going to a quiet coffee shop to have your talk. Ask the other person to pick a time that’s good for them. You want to make sure they have time to talk and that they are able to give you their full attention. This might be a quick conversation, or you might end up talking for a while. Either way is fine.
Think about waiting until you can support yourself before coming out if you think your parents might react negatively. If you choose to come out under these circumstances have a back-up plan in place. For example, ask a friend if you can stay with them for a while if necessary. You could also save up some money if that would make you feel more secure. You might also think about writing a letter if you are concerned about a negative reaction. That will give others time to process your news. [5] X Research source
You might say, “Hey, Jane, I wanted to let you know that I am nonbinary. That means that I simply don’t identify as male or female. ” Maybe you also want to say something like, “I’m trusting you with this information, but it’d be great if you don’t talk about it with others. This is my story to share, okay?” You can choose to share more about your experience or feelings, or just leave it at that. What you share is completely up to you.
For example, people might ask you how you know, or what nonbinary means. You can tell them what it means to you. It’s okay to keep your answer brief or to explain in detail, depending on how comfortable you feel at that moment. Keep in mind that you’ll likely have other chances to talk to them about this, too. If they ask questions that make you feel uncomfortable, it’s okay to put up boundaries and let them know that you’re uncomfortable answering them. They may also ask what pronouns you’d prefer to be referred by. Be honest, and let them know how you would like them to refer to you.
Point them towards specific websites that have been helpful to you. You could also give them pamphlets or handouts from an LGBTQ+ community center. Another idea is to give them a book about what it means to identify as non-binary. Some really helpful resources are The Trevor Project and PFLAG. If you’re in school, you could also ask your guidance counselors for suggestions, if you feel comfortable talking to them about your identity.
You could say, “You seem a little overwhelmed. Do you want to talk about this again later?”
If you’ve already come out to a friend or younger family member, ask if they could be with you while you come out to others. You can say, “It would make me feel a little less scared if you could be there when I talk to my dad. Would you mind sitting in on the conversation?”
Try saying, “I understand you have more questions. But this is really emotional for me and I need to be done for now. Okay?” Alternatively, you could say, “I’ll talk for 10 more minutes, but then I really need to be done. Thanks. "
You can also tell the person that you’re open to talking again when they calm down. But if you’re not comfortable with that, that is okay too!
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Don’t be afraid to say something like, “I’m feeling really emotional today. Would you take a walk with me? I think some fresh air and company would make me feel better. ” If you’re feeling lonely or scared, there are also support lines, like The Trevor Project, that you can call. Sometimes a supportive listener might be just what you need.
You can also look for online support groups and social groups. Ask an LGBTQ+ friend how they got to know other members of the community. If you’re in school, you can check with the counselor to see if they have any suggestions.
Watching a funny show. Taking your dog for a walk. Spending time with friends. Reading a good book.
Developing more genuine relationships. Becoming a role-model. Becoming part of a vibrant community. Living with more self-confidence.
