Dating is a way of seeing if you enjoy and are compatible with your potential love interest. It is not a test of you overall as a person. If the date does not work out, or it is not a good match, that only means that this particular situation is not a long term one. It’s okay if you have setbacks when it comes to dating. When you’re building a skill, you won’t have a steady path of progress. There are always going to be obstacles. Everyone feels nervous on a first date, and it’s normal to make mistakes. You’re doing just fine!
If it helps, create a list of questions you want to ask them before the date. You might ask, “What are you most excited about?” “What do you respect most about your mother or father?” “What’s the most thoughtful gift you’ve received?” or “Tell me about a time that something didn’t go as planned but ended up helping you get to where you are now. "
When you meet a person that’s an awful match for you, treat it like a success. You now know something you don’t want in a partner!
For instance, tell yourself things like, “You’re enough,” “You can do this,” and “Your hard work is going to pay off. ” If you want something, go out and get it for yourself. As an example, buy yourself nice jewelry or start saving for a house.
You might say to yourself, “I’m feeling really afraid because my last relationship went so badly,” or “I’m worried that all relationships end because my parents got divorced. ”
For instance, you might realize that you’re anxious because you’ve been used in the past. Similarly, dating might make you nervous because your older sibling had a bad experience with an ex.
Talk to someone about how you feel. Scream into a pillow. Try shaking your body to release your anxious emotions. Work from your shoulders down to your feet, shaking your body as you go. Write your feelings in a journal.
This should help energize you with oxygen, which will help you relieve anxiety and stress.
Join a recreational sports team. Take a dance class. Go to the gym with a friend. Walk in nature. Run. Do water aerobics.
This comes back to making a connection with others. By learning to relate with people, you’ll be more comfortable on dates. For instance, talk to people in line at the grocery store, start a conversation while you’re in a waiting room, or invite your coworkers out to lunch.
Laugh and smile a lot. Make brief eye contact, then look away. Give the person a compliment. Show off your neck. Touch the person on their arm. Mirror their body language. Ask about a shared interest.
Go bowling. Play mini golf. Attend a concert. Take a dancing lesson. Go to a cooking class. Attend a local festival.
Don’t worry about figuring out what your date might be thinking. Just be with them in the moment. If your date isn’t saying much, try asking them open-ended questions to encourage them to talk. You might ask, “What’s the most interesting thing about your job?” or “How did you get started with your hobby?”
For instance, you don’t need to tell them about your past relationships. Instead, talk about your latest interests.
