For example, you might say, “I want to go to therapy to help increase my self-esteem. That way, I won’t feel like I need so much attention from others in order to feel good about myself. " Another goal might be, “I want to communicate better with my partner. " If you have (or suspect you have) co-occurring issues like depression or anxiety, ask your therapist how you can reframe your thought patterns to get some relief from those extra symptoms that exacerbate or fuel your narcissistic behaviors. [4] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 September 2018. If the cost of one-on-one therapy is too expensive, consider going to a free support group for related issues. For instance, there’s Co-Dependents Anonymous (CoDA), Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA), Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Neurotics Anonymous (N/A), Overeaters Anonymous (OA), and Workaholics Anonymous (WA).
Your psychiatrist will likely have you come in every 2 weeks when you’re starting a new prescription to see if the medication is having any effect. They may increase your dosage after a month or so and recommend monthly appointments to check-in.
Rehabilitation doesn’t mean your normal life has to stop. There are tons of intensive day programs to help you cope with your addiction. However, know that in-patient rehab may be necessary if your addiction is so advanced that you’ve lost any sense of control. A psychologist or doctor can help you make the decision that’s right for you. Alcohol or drugs can exacerbate certain symptoms like grandioseness, unyielding talkativeness, aggression, entitlement, and exploitative or manipulative behaviors.
Experiencing relief from your symptoms (e. g. , depression, anxiety, mood swings, anger outbursts, or other co-existing issues) Understanding your triggers to avoid future problems or pain Recognizing your current coping mechanisms and when/why they originated (e. g. , childhood or trauma) Creating new coping mechanisms Establishing new habits (and using constructive coping skills)
Buy or rent books or audiotapes or just browse the web to read all kinds of studies and articles about NPD. You might check out some books on how to recover from narcissism. Look for titles written by doctors and psychologists (the author’s name will have “PsyD,” “Ph. D. ,” or “PsyaD” on the end).
Feeling envy:What do they have that I want?What insecurity or core belief about myself does this match up with?What am I afraid of losing? Control? Status? Relationships? Feeling envied:Why would they feel envious of me (intelligence, success, beauty, charm, talent)?Do they actually lack these qualities or am I projecting my own issues and values onto them?What other emotions does this feeling ignite? Guilt? Feeling fraudulent? Elation?
For example, an unrealistic expectation would be: “I will be the richest and most famous, beautiful woman in America and fall in love with a movie star. ” A more realistic expectation might be: “I will work as hard as I can to live comfortably, keep myself in good physical shape, find love, and work hard to keep that love. ” The obsession with these things often leads high-functioning narcissists to be workaholics, overly vain, or codependent partners. If you feel entitled to a life of grandeur to the point that you can’t keep a steady job or relationship, it’s best to seek out a therapist who can help you break those self-sabotaging patterns.
What might they be feeling right now? Why? How does that feeling feel in their body (e. g. , chest tightness, heavy shoulders, forehead pressure)? What are their motivations for saying or doing certain things? What feelings might lead them to act in certain ways (e. g. , fear, excitement, anxiety)? What core beliefs might they hold about themselves due to the circumstances they’re in? Which roles do they play in the lives of others (e. g. , confidant, artist, healer, leader, nurturer) and how does that inform their self worth?
A good format to go by is: “I feel _____ when _____. ” For instance, you might say, “I feel angry when you tell me that my work isn’t good enough. ” If you’ve ever been so angry that you resort to physical violence, leave the situation and only come back when you’re feeling calm and capable of using your words. Go for a walk if you need to expend some of that angry energy.
Give the other person visual cues that you’re listening and present like nodding or saying “uh-huh,” “right,” or “okay. "
It’s hard to notice mid-convo when you’ve made the conversation about you, so check in with yourself whenever you’ve just finished a conversation where you became the star. Try to pinpoint when and how you made the conversation about you so you can avoid doing that in the future. For instance, when someone tells you a story about losing a dog, ask questions to push the story along and let the person express how they’re feeling. Don’t flip the convo to and give a whole monologue about your dog or past experiences with dogs.
For example, if your sister shares some exciting news with you that she’s gotten a raise, don’t reply by stating how much you make or how you’ve just gotten a promotion. Instead, say something like, “That’s great to hear! I’m happy for you!” and leave it at that. If you find yourself wanting to praise others to win their affection or to get something you want from them down the line, hold off and say nothing. If you’re working with a therapist, that’s something to investigate with them.
For instance, if your partner tells you that you speak too loud at the dinner table and a tinge of aggression springs up in you, take a moment to calm yourself. Reply with something like, “I’m sorry, I’ll try to work on that. " Make sure there’s no sarcasm or aggression in your tone. You might think any criticism (construction or not) is a personal attack on you, but it’s not. Think of it as discouraging certain behaviors. You’re not a bad person—the behavior that you acted out was a not-so-great choice. If someone is criticizing you in the form of a personal attack, disengage from the conversation. It can be hard to do if you’re used to playing verbal ping pong, but exiting the situation will help you overcome your narcissistic tendencies and any co-existing anger issues in the long run.
An example of an enabler might be a parent who does nothing but heap praise upon you even for the littlest things. Or, an enabler might be a friend who allows you to manipulate them even when it’s obviously not in their best interest. You don’t have to distance yourself from all of your friends even if you think your narcissistic behaviors have impacted the relationship in some way. It’s important to keep a solid foundation of friends for social support, just put some distance between you and the ones that aren’t so healthy to be around (that is, people with codependent tendencies or substance abuse problems).
If you want to keep your accounts or have to for your line of work, refocus the content that you post or like to be less about you and more about something you care about. For instance, instead of posting photos of yourself on Instagram, post about a cause that’s particularly dear to you or a recent event that struck a chord. The idea is to not use media as a “look how great I am” album or a diary to garner pity or attention from others. Try to think of how you can use social media to form and nurture genuine relationships with others.
